I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
