I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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