My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
40s are totally the cure
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
