i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
