May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
