:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
