I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
nutella sex= disaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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