i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
