We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
A+ Viking dick
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