Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
