Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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