They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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