you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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