in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
