he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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