The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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