I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
