His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I am mentally ready for anal.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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