I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
