just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I did not marry a roomba.
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