Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
