Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
