I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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