i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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