do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
