I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize