my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
