I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize