Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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