naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
