After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
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On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
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We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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