Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
