just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
PANTIES FOUND
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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