Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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