she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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