you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
