I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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