uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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