Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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