In the future we'll all be gay
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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