Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I want to make a zoo with you.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My vagina just recognized that song.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
