look no pants
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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