rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
