I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
