I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
