i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
