ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
