The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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