I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
