There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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