I think I am morally bankrupt
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
