he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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