Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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