Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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