why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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