i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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