the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
