How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
