When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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