Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
